This is it..

why is everything confusing..maybe i do not understand my mind,hmm..this morning,when i woke up..i was thinking of what uztaz imran was telling me few years ago..when i started and made the decision to hafaz the quran..he said " kalau ade dugaan yg lebih dasyat yg rasa xkn dapat harungi..adakah akan setabah seorg yg bernama qariah..?"..that time my heart was pumping and was pale because of the responsibility and coudrage that i am suppose to have..i said softly " pasti inysaAllah..".. as we finish our class with the "khallidu bil quran"..

days did come with lots of challanges, challanges that was much more than i had expected..i was in the dakwah society since then..patience was the most important thing..everytime my eyes was wondering on the streets of reality,i saw lots of things that i feel is not supposed to be..the surah from the quran was always like a butterfly,pasing by my thoughts..from something nice,that is when the leaves fall from blessful trees,my mind was saying subhanallah and surah was pasing by my thoughts,maybe this what a qariah's feels..something different..

from something bad,like guys and girls socialize beyond the borders of islam,it hurted my heart..it was as if,torn..how can i handle this dear God,when quran was talking to me in all the days and nights...making me scared not to those..

what now i do not understand is when people say what they did not do,and do what they did not say..it is sad..when trusted people did the same..on this date, i think that it is hard to trust people,hard to love them as they lie infront of my eyes..as i already know the truth before they spoke..how can they do this, as everytime i wish for their safety and their jannah..astagfirullah..

sorry does not give cure.now, for those that do feel misundertood about the situation that they are not clear enough,do seek for the truth..intermidieries do not tell what is spoken to them..hmm..but i don't care if that is what a person wants to think about me..as i had been hurt more deeply by those that i "sayang"..

do whatever you want to do,say whatever you want to say..im strong enough as other qariah's..
called as "uztazah" in some kind full of hate from others is normal..people trowing rubbish at you during the dakwah is normal, syrup was thrown on my face...,slapted by those that do not want islam is normal..kicked by a guy is normal, and people spit on you is discusting but still normal..because every step in my dakwah for islam is to be someone like my uztazah and uztaz,..i do not give speeches and just go like in campus..but outside,i give "the all" to dear God..and change what i am able to..i dakwah and i stay,i do not dakwah and and i go..

dear God..
al-qariah..
al-qariah...
al-qariah..

Surah Al-Qaariah

الْقَارِعَةُ
Hari yg menggemparkan,

مَا الْقَارِعَةُ
Ape dia hari yang menggemparkan itu?

وَمَا أَدْرَاكَ مَا الْقَارِعَةُ
Dan apa jalannya engkau dpt mengetahui kedahsyatan hari yg menggemparkan itu?

يَوْمَ يَكُونُ النَّاسُ كَالْفَرَاشِ الْمَبْثُوثِ

(Hari itu ialah: hari kiamat), hari manusia menjadi seperti kelkatu yang terbang berkeliaran,

وَتَكُونُ الْجِبَالُ كَالْعِهْنِ الْمَنفُوشِ
Dan gunung-ganang menjadi seperti bulu yang dibusar berterbangan.

فَأَمَّا مَن ثَقُلَتْ مَوَازِينُهُ
Setelah berlaku demikian, maka (manusia akan diberikan tempatnya menurut amal masing-masing); adapun orang yang berat timbangan amal baiknya, -

فَهُوَ فِي عِيشَةٍ رَّاضِيَةٍ
Maka ia berada dalam kehidupan yang senang lenang.

وَأَمَّا مَنْ خَفَّتْ مَوَازِينُهُ
Sebaliknya orang yang ringan timbangan amal baiknya, -

فَأُمُّهُ هَاوِيَةٌ
Maka tempt kembalinya ialah "Haawiyah"

وَمَا أَدْرَاكَ مَا هِيَهْ
Dan apa jalannya engkau dpt mengetahui, ape dia "Haawiyah" itu?

نَارٌ حَامِيَةٌ
(Haawiyah itu ialah): api yang panas membakar.